Worrying thoughts

2017-10-18 01:36:13 by dilandoubishop
Updated

My depression deepens as well as my anger. To the point that I...can't recognize myself. I catch myself either yelling and ranting at unseen enemies in my thoughts. Or deeply depressed with anxiety. I just feel very tired. I see flashbacks of pain sometimes. The thoughts worsen to terrible ideas at times. Its madness.


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MchectorIIMchectorII

2017-10-18 02:43:27

We all have painful times in our past at some point and personally,I have the same problem too.I always dread the times when my mind would just wander to some moment in the past which I regret or have been hurt and I would just freeze up and lose sight of reality in the present.I'd tried a few ways to control these thoughts and they'd have worked with various results.I'm not an expert and just only someone who's also suffering silently.

(1)You can talk to someone you trust like your family,friends or psychiatrist so you can have someone to share your problems with and also let them understand about what you're going through.You don't have to go through this alone as it'd be too much for one person to handle and it's best if you can get as much support from the people who love you and would be there for you.It's not easy to actually explain it to other people at first as they might not understand or worse, misunderstand.If you know what's causing all these thoughts,just say to the other person you have a problem you want to talk about and bring up that matter.I'm sure they'd be willing to listen and even offer advice.I would say this is the most 'head-on' method as you would have to face the cause of your problem directly,so yes,it would take some confidence to do it but in the end,you'll have more people to help you up when you need it.If anyone says or does any negative things to hurt you because of your problem,know that these kind of people are only a minority and that out there,lots more people would be more understanding and willing to help you out so don't give up.

(2)If you really don't want to share about your problem,you can try the 'distraction' method.This is more 'passive' as it may not involve other people.Find something to do to get your mind to stop worrying like a hobby(listening to music,art) or sports.This way,you are making yourself busy and thus,your mind will have less time to worry.In a way,you're burying your pain and also focusing on the present at the same time.It may not be perfectly effective as those nasty thoughts may come back again sometimes but overall,you will get to control most of your life again.Also know that you need to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to get used to it and after a while,you will naturally.

That's all I can think of for now but like I wrote,I'm no expert.Don't be hard on yourself if these things keep happening,it's part of what makes us human and NO ONE should judge you for that.If you feel like you're about to lose your temper,walk away to cool off and get back when you're ready.You are lot stronger than you think and those problems won't last forever,so NEVER GIVE UP.You also don't have to face this alone,so go and share your problem/s with your loved ones.Stay strong,man!

I have a song to go to when I'm really down.If you like to listen to it,here it is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sgm9lkTNQmc

It may be religious but the tune can really calm me down.I hope it does the same for you too!Take care!

dilandoubishop responds:

I tried No.1 before. I got fucking Shitted on by my own fucking family. By my fucking friends. And by my fucking friends here on Newgrounds. No. 2 is not possible. Sometimes the thoughts or flashbacks would come out of nowhere and interrupt my thoughts or work process in art. This is not the kind of shit I want to get used to. Its not something I want to live with. Its the kind of shit I want to self destruct and end it all. If this makes me human, then I lost all my humanity years ago.


KungFuSpaceBarbarianKungFuSpaceBarbarian

2017-10-18 07:44:17

let me know if you ever need to talk my dude, you know where to find me


GhoulersGhoulers

2017-10-18 08:37:15

Trust me, i understand what you mean, i sometimes get lost in thought, only to realize that i'm thinking about certain "Awful experiences" i've had with some people who i used to care about a lot, i even imagine what i could have or should have said and done instead of what i actually said and did, but this all doesn't matter because nothing will change these experiences or erase them, and i can only move on to better things/people in life. i'm sorry you're feeling that way and i hope you get better, however, i recommend you express your anger and let out your emotions, and try to move on over them even if it seems really hard, and good luck with life!

dilandoubishop responds:

Expressing my emotions would be a mistake. And this is not something people would 'move on', its not a common cold to be forgotten. It seems hard because it is fucking hard. Hard is fucking understatement. And I have no luck.


MchectorIIMchectorII

2017-10-21 03:40:35

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.I'm sorry to hear about how you feel about your family and friends.If you want,I'd be happy to hear about why you think this way.

dilandoubishop responds:

Read the previous Journal Entries. You can find the same thing on my art thread.


MchectorIIMchectorII

2017-10-22 11:33:23

From what I read so far,would I be wrong to say that you are suffering from low self esteem and trauma from the tragedies tha happened in your family?Are these the 'unseen enemies'?

dilandoubishop responds:

Low self esteem? is that what you call it? How am I suppose to feel if someone in my family commit suicide? How would anyone feel if someone in their family was molested? How would you feel if you try to reach out for help and in return...get fucking shitted on. How the fuck am I suppose to feel? You call this low self esteem? ...unseen enemies...yes. But low self esteem....If this is a joke, I am not finding this shit funny.


sirleiblsirleibl

2017-10-22 22:07:25

I'm still here if you need to speak. I am not leaving your side.


MchectorIIMchectorII

2017-10-24 10:25:02

Easy there,if I've offended you,I'm sorry.Like I wrote earlier,I'm no expert in this kind of thing so do try to understand if I have written anything you'd disagree with.I know you and your family have been through a lot so I'm doing my best to help out any way I can(if you still need it,that is.)If not,you can write it in your reply,I'm fine with it.

dilandoubishop responds:

How can you help? No one can help at this point. I don't have any more resources or people to help me. All I can do is routine shit,...and that doesn't help either. It doesn't matter. This shit is in vain anyway.


I0TAI0TA

2017-10-24 22:48:30

Stand for yourself even there is no one else does.

(Updated ) dilandoubishop responds:

Easier said than done. I have no use for platitudes.


MchectorIIMchectorII

2017-10-25 11:48:25

Well,sometimes all we need is a listening ear and I'd be happy to do just that(besides giving my shoddy advice)!It's the least I can do and it's better to talk about it than keeping it all inside.