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The stress, the trauma, the depression, and the uncontrollable anger combined with the pressure to succeed...has taken its toll. No wonder my colleagues and friends no longer make contact or affiliate with me. I did the best I could with the tools I had and the current shitty circumstance I had. And yet, my best wasn't good enough. Wasn't good enough for anybody. My family members were right. I'm a loser. Just like my father. I only had the best intentions. It hurts to be snubbed by your peers. I wish I wasn't alive. I'll have to ponder what do. Till then, I'll have to jot down my thoughts on these journals and try to summon some strength to draw again.