I don't know how much longer I can keep going. Like a broken record, these memories and dreams keep re-looping in my mind. Its difficult to find anything to distract me from those thoughts. These thoughts are distracting me from my pursuit of art. I feel like I am just wasting my time. Its been more than 3 years of this...I feel like I am just stalling the inevitable. Nevermind the constant difficulty in finding work in this field. I'm just...saddened by the thought that I can't explore art anymore. Saddened that I can't dream anymore. Anyway, I hope you all take care of yourself.