I feel there is no more hope

2017-09-12 06:06:17 by dilandoubishop

I don't know how much longer I can keep going. Like a broken record, these memories and dreams keep re-looping in my mind. Its difficult to find anything to distract me from those thoughts. These thoughts are distracting me from my pursuit of art. I feel like I am just wasting my time. Its been more than 3 years of this...I feel like I am just stalling the inevitable. Nevermind the constant difficulty in finding work in this field. I'm just...saddened by the thought that I can't explore art anymore. Saddened that I can't dream anymore. Anyway, I hope you all take care of yourself.


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ZornuzkullZornuzkull

2017-09-12 07:12:04

look dude you really need to see a doctor... you have nothing to lose in seeking medical treatment...

dilandoubishop responds:

I have no money. Colorado Medicaid will help me in food and living. But I do not qualify for medical. So no medicine and no therapy.


MinecraftGirl2MinecraftGirl2

2017-09-12 07:14:29

Art isn't something you can just learn art is an hobby you do for fun or make people happy. there is always more to learn you just need to find where. you can find a new art style or even try to draw someting you never draw (like landscapes or faces or whatever you haven't done yet) as well as you can try out different materials to make things with and practise but there is always something to learn in art and if your bad at it you found something to do. but don't give up art. if it's something you love doing do it for yourself and explore because there is so much more to art than you think.

as well as you don't need to do art in the feeld. i don't and so maney other people don't do it eather why? because it's something we love doing (or atleast i love doing it) i don't need money to share my art with other people or help them. i made a character for a game and i just loved the experience and the friendships i built up from there. just don't give up something you love because if you feel sad and give a hobby that means alot to you, that will bring you down even more. i know it's a hard world and especially with working with art but if you love doing it and just keep fighting for something you love you will get where you want to be eventually.

just don't give up something you like doing.
i hope you feel better soon.
and just don't forget it will always get better but you need to let yourself see the light in the darkness.


TheOverGhoulTheOverGhoul

2017-09-12 10:50:25

Look man, i can ramble for hours trying to explain why you should have fun drawing and having these hobbies as something "fun to do" instead of burden yourself with them, but that won't help as much as getting help from a professional, please, just go get help right now.


BFFcraftBFFcraft

2017-09-12 14:35:19

Keep going, every famous person in history had its struggle. They knew that after all of that they'll succed. You'll succed one day and be famous because of your art.


AcidXAcidX

2017-09-13 06:33:16

Definitely been there too fam.
Just how it seems to be. The amount of times I've been there and considered giving up is truly unhealthy. Yet, I can never give up. I can never let myself down that badly. No matter what, whether it's a small doodle or reading/watching educational material, I can't stop doing this shit. I have never been able to stop drawing or stop thinking about drawing.

There's two approaches.
One, put yourself right out of your comfort zone. Breathe some fun back into it by drawing something you normally wouldn't or using materials you generally don't. That way there's no real pressure. It doesn't have to be your best work and approaching with that attitude will make you feel alright -- also sometimes you can be surprised by other people's reactions to such work, as I am frequently with my instagram posts.
Two, do something you've been putting off for a long long while. Seriously. For me, it took nearly losing my life in a car accident and three broken bones to get myself into gear. After that, I focused my energy in going back to basics. Learning to draw all over again. Going through Scott Robertson's books and videos. All my Loomis books. Read them all. Then practiced the areas I felt were weakest. This was invaluable. Reminded me of all the little tips, tricks and rules that I'd forgotten over the decades I've been drawing and also dealing with depression -- remembered stuff I'd forgotten among the tidal wave of alcohol and self destruction.

Final note also... I was "lucky" to be in a position where I didn't need to work for a while (although I really wouldn't call it lucky at all). Thankfully, this helped me remember why I do this. It was never about money. It was a personal thing. That's what got me so depressed. I spent a good ten years trying to turn it into a job that I lost all enthusiasm. I spent those years stupidly thinking I had to please others. Stupidly thinking that maybe I should do what they say and be what they wanted me to be. Forgetting that my art was never about that. It was about me. It was my hobby. So while that difficulty made me more rounded as a person, it made me unhappy with my work. Gradually I've pushed the balance back and feel alright now, somehow. I get real low days, trust me.

Worth considering, take up another hobby. Due to being crippled at the time, I took up building scale models, as it didn't require much movement. This is great as it also provides useful drawing reference and knowledge. Plus it's relatively cheap, for the pace I work on them. Had I been more able, I'd have took more interest in gardening or DIY type stuff, like I'm starting to now. Basically it just lets you still use your creative energy but really not have to give a fuck about other people's opinions. Just something you do for fun and it will teach you things, give you time to think...all sorts!!

I would say that you also don't have to find work in this field. However, that would be hypocritical as I've only ever had one job outside of something Design/illustration related. Still, it can be good not to put pressure on working within that. Again, refer to that final note and the sadness induced by forgetting what really mattered to me. Sadly I am just useless at any jobs in my area and really bad at stuff where I'd have to deal with people, like customer service. So... hm.. be open to other ideas which maybe incorporate some of the art stuff??

dilandoubishop responds:

I dunno...I'll think about it. Not to many opportunities or avenues are available to me.